Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
