whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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