Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
