i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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