just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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