The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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