He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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