Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
It's rum buckets o'clock
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
