I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
