we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
ttyl tear gas
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
