I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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