I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
