she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
