I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
should my penis look like a turkey
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
