Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
