I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
