Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
