He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
