What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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