she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
