I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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