you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I want to fling myself into the sun
COCAINE IS GR8
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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