I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
