dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
