I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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