I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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