and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Randomize
