Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
