hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
