I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
