First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
