We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
This house was built for laser tag.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
