I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
