I'm really into asian looking animals
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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