Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
