what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
