I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
