Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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