drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i think i have two assholes
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
