In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
where are you?
Hypothermia
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
