God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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