look no pants
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
