it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
