i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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