I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
