the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
