you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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