i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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