Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
