Dude my mom stole all your condoms
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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